Saturday, October 6, 2012

Surprise! It's a Girl!

It seems like I should have written this post 2 months ago in a more appropriate time frame (aka, daughter's birthday). But, like always, I've never been one to do anything in an appropriate manner let alone something that would make sense.

So, I'm writing this post today. Mostly because I'm in a weirdly sentimental and thoughtful mood and I just wanted to get it out. Right about now you're saying, "well, what the hell is this post about then?"

It's about my daughter. Luhvah affectionately calls her Monkey:

This was probably 3 years ago. Now, she's a tidal wave of emotional surges known to most as a teenager (she's 13).

I got into a heavy discussion with a friend (as we are wont to do) about raising kids. She mentioned that when I worry about raising Monkey right that it makes her ovaries want to split open and self-procreate (my words, not hers- her words are more like, "Oh gosh, I can't wait to have kids and start raising them!)

Anyhow. It got me to thinking about all the things I want for Monkey. All the things I'm sure all parents want for their kids but go about it in completely different ways. I have a board on Pinterest solely devoted to Monkey. So, I thought I'd share some of those things.

One thing not on Pinterest is a quote I found while reading my LIT text book for school.

"a teaching help young readers develop an internal locus of control through which they assume that their own actions and characteristics will shape their lives. They ask the question, 'What am I going to do with my life?' while people with an external locus of control depend on luck, chance, or what others do. Their major life question is 'What will happen to me?'"

When I read this quote I immediately realized that until recently ( the past 7 years) I have had an external locus of control. And I hate it. I've gone through life dealing. Dealing with things thrown at me, dealing with how people have filtered in and out of my life, dealing with the jobs I've had, dealing. Which is really surprising considering what a control freak I am.

But, in the last 7 years, I've chosen to be in the former group. To have an internal locus of control. I now think, "What am I going to do with my life?" And I realized when I read that quote that this is my goal with Monkey-to teach her at an early age to ask- "What am I going to do with my life?". I don't want her going through life with a laissez-faire attitude wherein she gets thrown things and just learns to adjust her life around them. I want her to have purpose.

Sure, she can't plan everything down to the wire. A healthy amount of going with the flow would have to be incorporated into her life when things change without her doing. But, for the most part, I don't want her to  float through life.

Since I was a child I've been an opinionated, unruly, willful person.

And yet, I still let people, circumstances, and just plain stupidity, run my life. I went to college because it was what you do, I went to my sister's college cuz she was there. It was convenient. Then I dropped out cuz I couldn't figure out what I wanted to to do. Then I became a travel agent through happenstance, not choice (I did love the job though for 10 years). Then I had an unplanned pregnancy, again, through lack of responsibility, and certainly not by choice, at 22 years of age. Luckily (LUCK-ha!) God is a merciful God and gave me my wonderful daughter who drastically changed everything in my life. I would never take her back even as I realize that an unplanned pregnancy at 22 with a man I did not love was not the best decision (in fact, it was no decision at all-again, external locus). I guess the first real decision I made solely without any luck, chance, or external situations was when I married Luhvah (if you haven't gathered yet, Luhvah is not Monkey's biological father-though he is absolutely the best Dad she could ever have and legally adopted her-God bless that man!).

I tell you all this so you know how I don't want my daughter to be. To remind myself of what I want for her. I don't want her 22 and pregnant (or 16 and pregnant or any age and pregnant when its not a conscious decision she has made with a husband she loves). I battle with how I'll explain to her that she was in no way a mistake. That God gave her to me and through her He has taught me many things about life and myself. But it was definitely a struggle raising a baby at 22 when I was barely an adult myself and I never want her to have to go through that.

I pinned a great series of articles from this blog:

The series is about raising a daughter. I especially love the confidence post and the lessons on men. I want her to know that she can be whomever she wants to be and that I'm proud of her. She doesn't have to be what I want her to be, what Luhvah wants her to be, or what the world expects. She can be herself. And that means thinking for herself. Too often I tell her what I think. She's introverted by nature, I'm extroverted. She's shy, a thinker, a quiet reflective person who hides her thoughts.  I blurt out every little thing I think and feel. I don't want to overshadow or ignore her feelings. I always want her to know that her opinion matters.


I want my daughter to live, and live well. I want her to dream big and watch those dreams come true. I want to be there for her and help her make them happen. I want to guide her and teach her how to be the best person she can be. Thankfully, she's already well on her way.

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